You’re asleep by now and perhaps you’ll see this, perhaps you won’t.
I just needed to release some pent up emotions, and there’s no other way I know better to do so but through writing.
Update: I remembered mentioning this in my previous entry “I can’t remember when was the last time I was actually genuinely happy” - so yes, I haven’t made any progressed since and the only progress made was it progressing further. I guess I could say it’s been a g e s. Like in years. I’ve been happy, but it fades away after it wears off and I’m back to the gloomy, slightly depressed me again.
I was never a crybaby and if I were to judge myself based on the past 5 years, then I am definitely one because I cry at least once a month because of my own negative thoughts. I don’t know how to get them out so they just keep accumulating until it reaches a tipping point and SWOOSH it all comes out in the form of my tears. At least I released those emotions eventually. I wish I could say the same for now, but no, I can’t even cry now. I guess it’s just my mind getting used to this constant cycle of emotional drama I experience pretty often.
You wanna know what keeps me going despite how tough the going gets? It’s love. I may be embedded in negativity but at the same time, I have people who love me by my side. They won’t be there 24/7 but I know they care and they exist, that’s the truth. However, out of all of them, you are the one that knows the most about me and one who truly understands my predicament and is able to relate to it. Most importantly, you give real advice and provide comfort in times like tonight. It’s not the typical condescending “cheer up!” or the I don’t know what to say so let’s just use the classic textbook line “tomorrow will be a better day, smile and don’t let it bother you, when life gives you lemon, make lemonade” kind of cheesy shit. And to top it all off, they garnish it with half-hearted well wishes and head off with their own schedules. Not a single genuine fuck was given to ensure that I am really alright.
I cannot thank you enough, I really can’t. I express gratitude through the things I do for you, and I hope you see them. Especially your birthday gift and dinner!
Life sure is unpredictable - sometimes good, sometimes bad. I thank my lucky stars everyday for the unforeseen circumstances, because you came along with it. Never did I expect that you would be the one that understands me and could actually relate to whatever I am faced with in life.
I don’t need an abundance of friends in my life. I only need one who I can share the sweetness, bitterness and sourness of the lemons thrown at us in the course of life.
Thank you :’) I really, really can’t put what I feel about this friendship into words, but I love you so so so much for being such an awesome “shoulder” that I could cry on. I’m moved deeply. I promise that I would quit “wallowing in self-pity” as you call it and chin up. I won’t give up, and you mustn’t too. No more feeling empty, lets fill our empty glasses with sunshine and everything nice together. Alright?
dream date: we get chinese food delivered, it’s raining, i take a shower in your shower (it must be a nice shower with good water pressure), you let me wear your clothes after i shower, you have a cat that i can pet, we watch movies, i fall asleep in your bed for like fifteen hours, you fall in love with me
Sometimes you make choices in life, and sometimes choices make you. The new trailer for #IfIStay is here!